WARNING: not only is this story plotless and pointless..it has sex in it. You know the age and legal drill. Characters belong to DC and Kondom. Its just a parody, I'm not getting paid to write this. (The last time I read mainstream comics was in '94 so umm I dunno what they did to the main man since then. Gomen I still read comix but most of them have kana, drugs, heavy political subtext or lesbians in them. So if something isn't exactly right...that would be why.)
INGREDIENTS: (based on percent of daily nutritional needs) Angst 0% Plot 0% subplot 0% Sex 90% Calories 0
What he shoulda done was shoot Ramona in the leg for even suggesting the bounty. Stupid, flabby bitch, with her tits hanging out of the stretch dress and the five inches of make up that barely filled her wrinkles. She was so fat even her face had stretch marks.
But he was hung over. Badly. The only thing for a hangover was sex. Big time sex, wet, hot and lots of it, followed by explosions, possibly leading to bloodshed. Fraggin shit always made him feel better. He rubbed his forehead. Ramona had, like always, refused to fuck him. He gritted his yellow pointy canines. Not like he couldn't just take her if he wanted her bad enough, but why fight for a piece that smelled like bacon, when he could just take the bounty, and use the credits to buy himself enough booze to forget how mother lovin horney he was? He watched a rusting Whore-Bot wheel by slowly the red LCD screen showed available for 67 credits for 10 minutes the flexible slot in the front of the bot was already jammed full with dry and drying jizz. His fraggin hand would have been cleaner. Not by much though, It HAD been a really long night. Feetals GIZZ, he itched to get laid and he needed the green for bullets, babes and booze. "Gonna go with the plastic pussy? For the amount of creds this bounty will bring you can get the real thing." Ramona told him he could hear her sly grin without even looking at her. He decided that if he had to look at her sliding meaty tits for another second he might just shoot her for making him feel sick. "What's the bounty?" He resisted the urge to go against his promises. A long time ago when Ramona had been a looker he had made certain "promises" to her and she had been able to cover all the bases to keep him from killing or maiming her. So far. He was still looking for loopholes. "You need to go to Planet Kondomland and bring back the hookah smoking caterpillar." She said handing him some paperwork that he was probably only gonna use to wipe his ass with anyway. "He's only 50 credits dead. Bring him back whole and ALIVE and you get a full 1760 minus my tiny, little fee of course." "Yeah. A smokin caterpillar on planet Kondomland..Whatever." Fuck. Fifty credits wouldn't even give him half a bottle of rot gut for a good buzz or a handjob from a leper. Feetal his swelling balls hurt. He rubbed his crotch irritated.
"You'll go blind."
"Ill make YOU blind."
"You promised."
"FRAG!" He grabbed his meathook and swung it winding the steel chain up his heavily muscled white arm.
"This had better be worth it Ramona. Drug dealing bugs aint my thing."
"Since when?" He resisted the urge to slam the hook into the third fold of her loose neck skin and leave her twisting above her hair salon's pink neon sign. Instead he grabbed her doughy tit, popping it from the loose stretch fabric and sucked the pallid nipple noisily. His grimy fingers stained her sagging flesh where he gripped. She made a cooing little noise of surprise and then he dropped it. It swung meatily over her flower printed spandex space muu muu. He smacked his lips.
"Yup. Gonna need a cholesterol check..."
"Huh?"
"that titty tastes just like sausage.." He walked away leaving her glowering red with anger. Ahhh it was gonna be a great day. Planet Kondomland, according to the glossy little thirty year old pamphlet that he was picking his teeth with, was a great spot for campers and children. Lobo didn't mind campers and children, they tasted like chicken and often stayed crunchy in milk. He tromped along the woods his thick steel soled boots crunching branches and rocks and whatever else got in his way, when he saw them on a huge soft mushroom.
Two absolutely perfect women each no taller than dolls naked and writhing over each other. He got closer and peered down on them. The little blonde one had her legs spread wide her little pink gash was being sucked on by a tiny perfect brunette, in pleather chaps, leather panties and nothing else. The dark haired girl had three fingers buried in the smallest, most mouth-watering asshole he had ever seen. He could hear them, tiny little chirps and sighs.
He leaned in closer for a better look. The blonde one was glistening with juice between her tiny perfect thighs. She noticed him before the brunette and she clamped her legs tightly shut snapping the brunette deep into her crotch and locking her in place.
"PamilLLAAA." A perfect heart shaped ass wriggled as the stuck woman tried to extricate herself from between her friends sticky clenched legs. Lobo watched it with amusement. Finally a leather gloved hand snaked up between the fair haired woman's breasts, grabbed a pale pink nipple and twisted it. The girl released her strangle hold on her friend and yelped rubbing her pinched breast, with a wounded look on her face. Lobo saw that they both had wings. Chicks with dicks were something he had seen but girly things with wings? He rubbed his dreds (fuck, he was so hung over he was rhyming) and peered closer. Annoyed the finally freed woman,wiped her face then perched her teeny fists on her round hips.
"What are you trying to prove Pfil ?! You almost drowned me!" her voice was high pitched, almost beyond Lobo's hearing.
"Look." then he was staring at a pair of pretty doe shaped eyes wide with shock. The brunette recovered her composure first. She shook a little fist at him.
"Hentai!" She said and crossed her arms over her round soft breasts. a look of contempt sweeping her lovely little face.
"Hen-huh?" he said swiping her off of the mushroom and holding her by one leg upside down in front of his face.
"H-H-Hey! Put Pamila down you big bully! Right Now..."
He ignored the protestations and simply uprighted the woman in his palm staring at her with interest. Cool as ice the woman appraised him just as openly. Her legs sprawled apart and draped over either side of his wide white palm.
He brought her closer to his face and stuck his tongue out, lapping her between her thighs and slowly northward. Covering her entire mostly naked body in a thin silver snails trail of spittle. Licking the sweat and girl cum from her body in one delicious salty swipe. He could have sworn the girl had wriggled closer to his tongue as he brought it between her legs for a second pass.
"Don't Eat her, Don't eat my friend, please!!" There was a panic below him a teeny hysterical voice crying upward. The czarnian reached out with his free hand and picked the other winged woman up just as easily as he had the first one.
She was cute. Big blue eyes, liquid with fear. Dressed In a little frilly french maid skirt and thigh high silk stockings. Her bare sex swollen from her friends mouth and still watering little dew drops onto his hand. She had antennae, teeny blue ones sprouting from her forehead like a butterfly. Lobo had an idea. "mmmm she tastes good!" he growled. The fair haired girl fell backward against his middle finger in a panic.
"I think I WILL eat her..I'm gonna eat the both of ya..." He leered at her swapping her into the hand already occupied with her friend. They hugged each other looking at him warily. Petal perfect nipples pressing against each other. Arms around the others waist. Then he reached into his pants pulling out his fat white cock already wet with his precum and throbbing with blood.
"Wow Pfil LOOKIT the size of that thing!" The one named Pamila murmured, rolling onto her stomach and hanging her head and shoulders over the edge of his calloused hand to get a better view. He felt her very slight weight rolling warmly on his skin. He watched as She slid her fingers between her legs and rubbed her teeny slit slowly. Lobo was starting to really like that bug. The little blond one looked too, after a long second. She sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Her eyes got as round and as big as dinner plates. "I-I-its HUGE!" She cried. Lobo laughed, even normal sized woman said THAT. "You bet your cute little tits it is." He tapped the tips of said breasts gently with one finger, feeling them squish demurely under his light pressure. She giggled a little. "Well it isn't gonna fit ya know, unless.."Pamila sat up and look at him her face blazing with red hot lust.
"Pam-"
"Shh, Pfil..I gotta get me some of that I mean lookit that thing, its just gotta be GOOD..." She noticed the Czarnian looking at her.
"..not that size matters.."she trailed off. Lobo laughed. He laughed so hard his vision blurred.
"Fuck yeah, it matters, I mean you'd like to FEEL it wouldn't ya?"
"ohhh yeah..you bet I would. Wanna taste it too."
"PAMILA!"
"Huh? oh heh..sorry Pfil." She wiggled her little heart shaped ass for him.
"Well, Im for it Big Boy. Bring me lower."
"She would be," Pfil said to noone in particular. " Jeeze your such a slut." But Lobo wasn't really listening to the breathy blonde anymore he set her down on her mushroom and then lowered the brunette to his cock.
She wrapped her arms around the pale white shaft and pressed her face into his loose foreskin rubbing back and forth with a delighted look on her tiny face. A drop of clear precum slipped from the tip and ran over her upturned face drenching it, immediately soaking the cute little bug's hair to her face.
"ooh!" She licked her lips furiously and wiped the left over juice from her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"Its like a warm salty shower!" She wrapped her legs around his length and humped the skin there furiously. To be honest, it wasn't doing a thing for the bounty hunter. Sure it looked good, a teeny little woman going wild over the side of his cock. It just didn't FEEL like anything was happening. She was too little. Frustrated he pulled her off of him and set her down next to her friend on the mushroom.
"Look Honey, its been nice but like I said, size matters." Irritated he thrust himself back into his pants. There was no way in hell he was gonna get laid on this fuckin planet, not even if there were a million little bug girls. The brunette seem to sense his frustration.
"We could put on a little show for you. and you could , you know touch yourself." There was sly pouting disappointment in her voice. He watched as she grabbed Pfil's cute little tit and kissed it. Flickering her tongue over the nipple as her fingers worked into her pink sweet slit, rubbing and pushing. It was a good show, the honey sweet blonde was already dripping wet. His balls twitched a little.
"Naw." he hooked his heavy fraggin gun over his broad shoulder. If he wanted to wax his own pole he woulda just stayed with Ramona.
"Wait!"
"hmm?"
"There's this mushroom, that can make you bigger or smaller." Lobo stopped. This was gettin interestin.
"Yeah?"
"One side makes you our size and one side would make us YOUR size. Except..." She looked worried. Pfil finished the sentence.
"The caterpillar is always on it." She was blushing furiously. Lobo started to get the idea of just what these girls used as fuck toys instead of men, by the faint pink color on the blonde's face.
"Caterpillar?"
"He's hentai." Pamila's face reddened and her hands were on her hips.
"Hen-huh?" There was that word again.
"He's a pervert." He was also a bounty. A bounty that had a way to get certain sizes adjusted so he could screw some gorgeous little bugs.
There would be some Fraggin and THEN some fuckin, the day was lookin up for him. His hangover would be gone really,really soon.
"Izzatafact now?"
"Yes." Lobo scratched his chin.
"Where?" The brunette pointed toward some bushes.
"About four flights that way."
"You ladies stick around Ill be right back."
"Be careful!" Pfil waved to him a worried look over her face. Pamila said nothing and simply began to step into the strap on dildo that was laying forgotton on the mushroom. Clasping it around her slender hips and turning it on.
"Pfil-chan, bend over."
"but Pamilaaaaaa-oooh...." He trudged through the brush, the highpitched sound of vibrating pole and squealing bug girl making him trudge just a little faster than he would have normally gone. Four "flights" was not that far, it was just far enough that he had to take a piss. He stopped whipped it out and let fly. The Yellowish stream of acidic wash sprinkled over lush green leaves and immediately began to burn smoking holes in them. What the frag did he drink? It was supposed to be a greenish stream. Fuck. He hoped he wasn't getting sick or something. He heard a high pitched squeal of pain, shaking the last couple of drops off, he squatted. Writhing in the dirt, a teeny little red fez on one side and a bong of itty bitty proportions on the other, was a fat green,(now quickly dissolving in Lobo's piss) caterpillar.
"FEETALS GIZZ!" the Czarnian scooped up the lather of green caterpillar foam and twitching flesh. Tweezing it between forefinger and thumb he peered at it. Yup it was a pervert all right, it had about a dozen nipple clips down both sides of where it's chest would have been. Lobo was ripped. Talk about pissin away a bounty! He stuck the corpse in his vest pocket. Maybe he could still get that fifty creds from Ramona if he brought back what was left. He turned to go and almost stepped on it. A bright red and green mushroom, on its cap was a pile of purple velvet cushions and a miniscule pink shag rug.
"One side will..something ,something..one side makes the babes bigger..." He looked at it for a second trying to decide which side was which. Then he grabbed the whole thing and yanked it out of the ground, shaking the now deceased caterpillar's hippy stuff from the top of it. When he got back he saw that Pamila was pounding the vibrating dildo deep inside her blonde friends asshole without mercy. Everytime Pfil would cry out, Pamila would slap the rounded jiggling globes of her cheeks.
"You love it dont you ?!"
"noooo pamilaaa pleasssse ss-st-stopppp, go slowwwerr!!" She didn't slow down though, she seemed to love violating her pretty little friend as roughly as possible.
He grinned, he KNEW he liked that girl for a reason.
"Hey." He said kneeling by them and holding the mushroom for them. They didn't notice.
"HEY!" He pried them carefully apart holding Pamila in his strong fingers. She thrust a couple of times into the air and then opened her eyes.
"Oh..Its you. Did you get it?" She asked. He held up the mushroom to show her.
"Yeah, now get bigger." He set her back down and then held the mushroom over them. Pamila looked at it for a moment and then ripped off two chunks.
"Here Pfil-chan." She handed the bright green meat to her friend who looked at it suspiciously.
"Don't want it." She muttered crossing her arms over her nude chest sullenly.
"suit yourself." Pamila ate chewing happily.
"Hey put me over there so I don't squish Pfil." Lobo did as he was told, moving the girl in his hands. He had just turned her around when there was a warm whooshing sound and a pop then his arms were filled with woman flesh. It had worked! She squirmed against him. He could feel her hardening nipples brush over his bare chest. She smelled terrific like flowers and something spicy he wasn't familiar with.
"Lookit me Pfil!" She crowed. "Im HUGE." Pfil's little face pinched with emotion.
"Whatever, Pamila." then she sat on her mushroom and rested her arms on her long lean legs.
Lobo wasted no time, he grabbed a perfect firm breast and began to bathe her nipples with his tongue. She giggled and pressed against him.
"Too bad, there aren't two of ya, but this'll work." She had grabbed onto his hair and pushed herself harder against his mouth, moaning a little.
"I got an idea." She whispered to him. She grabbed his zipper and popped his cock out of his pants.
"Oh yeah..." the bug woman knelt under him squeezing his shaft in her palms. She sucked him into her mouth delighted and then began to jerk his thick sensitive shaft rapidly. In absolutely no time at all he found himself coming. He tried to push her face into his first jet of cum but she had other ideas. With an evil grin she aimed his pulsing cock at her teeny friend. The first splat of hot cum smacked the little blond thing straight in the chest, the second and third knocked her reeling backwards. When he finally felt the last of his jizm shoot from him, the other girl was drenched in sticky semen, from head to toe. Pamila laughed merrily. She even clapped her hands together.
"That was so mean! Pamila!" The soaked girl got up and shook her arms, drops of sperm splattering into the air and against the mushroom she had been sitting on.
"Lets just ignore her okay?" Pamila said. Without waiting for his reply she began to stroke her breasts over his shaft, pressing her nipples into his piss hole then moving them in a slow circle over him.
"mmmhmm.." there was another whoosh and a pop and the blonde girl was life sized and gleaming with his juice. She was also very pissed off.
"You almost drowned me Pamila.."
"good, then we're even." She grabbed a hold of her blonde friend and held her still her arms pushing up Pfils cum-slick luscious breasts and showing them to their fullest advantage.
"Hey Onii-san, what dya think, huh? You Like?" He did. He took a pink nipple in his teeth and bit on it lightly.
The blonde blushed furiously.
"Oh Please don't...nooooo..." Confused Lobo stopped.
"The hell? Don't it feel good?" He asked rubbing the back of his head and looking at the squirming girl. Pamila giggled.
"Uhh well, you see, girls say no in Manga..but they don't really MEAN it. Heh." Lobo tested the theory by rolling one of Pfil's fat nipples between his fingers. The girl moaned again.
"iiiieeeeaaaahhhh.." He looked at Pamila.
"uhh, she said no again.." She translated, shrugging.
"She says no when she means she likes it?"
"Sure, Its cute."
"Its fuckin weird, what do you say when you really DON'T want it?" both women looked like they didn't understand the question. They blinked in unison.
"We always want it. Its what we do..what do women do when they don't want you to do something to them on your planet?" She asked, now both girls were looking at him interested and his hard on was just bobbing in the breeze neglected while he thought about it.
"hmm well I guess they would have shot me...if I hadn't fragged them all already." He grinned ruefully. "Enough talkin more fuckin."
"Ohh Yeah, Do Pfil first I wanna watch! is that okay Pfil-chan?" The other girl nodded biting down on her bottom lip.
"no Pamilaaa its too big!" Then she grinned and parted her thighs for him.
"Yeah, yeah.. nooooooo means yes.." Lobo muttered. Pfil turned her bottom toward him and got down on her hands and knees in the soft grass. She practically gleamed, her pink slit was open and inviting. Pamila knelt over her friend carefully and spread apart her drenched sex. Lobo brought the tip of his cock to her entrance and was about to push into heaven when he noticed Pamila was frigging her friend with the tips of her fingers. Pfil's back arched.
"Ohhh stop puh-puhlease."
"Do you mind?" Lobo asked a shooting a glance at Pamila. The brunette blushed.
"Heh, sorry, its just when I see her cute little pussy I wanna fill it with something."
"Yeah I see what you mean." Lobo answered archly. Pamila pulled her fingers out with a wet slurp.
"Be my guest."She licked the honey from them carefully. Lobo scooched forward on his knees and positioned himself again. He pushed himself inside gently, if these girls had antennae they might have "other" added appendages he couldn't see. Like a stinger or something. The first rule in the old sex book was never fuck a hornet's nest. Unless you were seriously fragged, drunk or retarded. It was a keeper, that old sex book. It felt okay though, a little tight but he could really get used to that. He thrust into her harder.
"oooh..."She wriggled over his shaft. It was great! He pulled out and slammed back into her. The girl wriggled some more.
"So big...unghh..." Everytime he thrust into her her little voice got breathier and cuter her slit got wetter and warmer. He began to thrust in earnest. Drawing out to the tip and then shoving all the way to the base of his cock. Her muscles squeezed and released milking him, like a fist. He resisted the urge to laugh. He had hit a gold mine! The little blonde woman writhed, under him, her fists were filled with clumps of green grass, her raw pink labia stretched tightly around his shaft, her tiny star shaped anus clenched with his every instroke.
"FAN-fraggin-TASTIC.." He roared. Pamila reached underneath him and began to roll his balls in her leather clad palm. It was driving him wild. Her other hand had a palmful of Pfils round little breasts and she squeezed them and released them, making her partner coo in earnest. Then she drew away and straddled Pfil just below her fluttering wings, almost on top of her round rump, facing Lobo and began dragging her sopping leather panty clad, sex over her partners bare back. She sharply slapped her friend's round peach shaped bottom with every instroke. It was a mouth watering vision to see the little bright red patches of hectic blush forming on Pfil's cute jiggly cheeks. When he looked up he was treated to the delectable sight of the brunettes firm breasts bouncing with them. He couldn't hold out for too much longer, the tiny blond was thrusting back as eagerly as he was pushing in and that combined with the fact that he had started this stupid journey already incredibly horny made it really difficult to keep it back. If only the blonde girl would cum already! He loved a woman in orgasm it always felt better! She cooed and clawed at the ground but he had the feeling she wasn't reaching her limit just yet. His balls began to tighten and throb. He knew it would be a waste if he couldn't get her to do what he wanted. He licked his index finger coating it in a thick sheath of spit and then mid-stroke shoved it as deeply as he could into her warm tight anus. Then he felt it, that point where her muscles went crazy over his shaft as she orgasmed.
"unggheeee.." she squealed. The pulsing of her slit over him intensified, that was what he was waiting for. It was just as amazing as he thought it would be. His eyesight dimmed as she tightened almost painfully over his entire length. Milking him, trying to trap him inside of her. He let go shooting his sperm inside of her and not pulling out until he could see it flowing back out of her over his cock and falling to the ground in flows of white ribbons. He bucked into her gripping hole even after he was dry, just reveling in being inside of her. No Czarnian woman was this tight, it was like there was a fist inside of her gripping him.
"Oh Pfil-chan, your so bad, what a WASTE!" Pamila ran her finger around Lobo's shaft and sucked his pearly cum from her fingertips then again, this time tickling Pfil's hard red clit until the girl squirmed. She winked lewdly at him.
"Got any left for me?" She asked rubbing her breasts again, plucking at her thick plum blossom nipples and rolling them.
Pfil panted beneath them, exhausted. He wiped his sweating brow with the back of his hand.
"Who do you think I am? Superman?" He asked growling. "Feetals GIIZZ, I got some for you, an seconds for HER." He grinned flashing his yellowing canines at the girls and pulled out of Pfil with a wet pop. He was hard again already. Pfil's hair hung in her face in a limp gold curtain. His cum flowed down both her slender thighs and her pretty petal like sex was still stretched and pulsing from him.
She lay back on the ground, twigs and dust clinging to her sweat silver body and rested, still panting. Pamila followed his gaze.
"Kawaii desu ne?" she said softly. A look of bright blushing love crossed her pretty features.
"Huh?"
"Cute isn't she?" She asked him sliding her hand over the blond's flat stomach and cupping her bare pubic mound in her leather covered palm. Spreading her open to his gaze. She dipped her middle finger into her sticky slit and rubbed furiously over her stubby clit in short circles. Pfil's breathing became chirping gasps. The sight was making his nuts ache again.
"yeah." He gently pushed Pamila to the ground and nuzzeled her nipples. It was her turn now. She grabbed a hank of his hair and dragged him downward so that her pussy was even with his face. He could smell her under all that warm leather. It was like strawberries and honey. He bumped his nose against the thin piece of leather then his mouth. The flavor was unbelievable. It was almost better than beer. He thrust his tongue along the seam between the leather that creased into her wet flesh. The woman squirmed a little. He was done with playing along. It was time to get serious.
If she would only stop moving! He held her belly still with the flat of his palm and pushed her firmly into the dirt.
Then before she had a chance to move he pushed his mouth against her crotch again, Her panties were in the way. Irritated he chewed through them. The couple of times he missed the leather and accidentally nipped her, she yelped prettily. He spat huge wads of spit and bug cum slathered leather out into the air not caring where they flew. His jaws ached from the effort but finally he was in her. His tongue stabbed deep inside of her and her slit, just as tight as Pfil's had been, clenched around him welcoming him.
He speared at her clit sucking it between his teeth while she wriggled under him. Her juices flowing freely over his mouth and his face. He ran the sides of his unshaven cheeks over the silk of her thighs scratching her and making the skin there redden.
She was loving every second of it, he knew it. He waited for her trembling thighs to close over his head then he pulled away from her and wiped his mouth on his bare forearm. He was so hard right then he could wrap a steel bar around his dick and not even dent it. He put the tip of his throbbing cock against the tiny opening and pushed in. She was even tighter than her friend, smaller somehow. The side of her gripping well oiled cunny clenched around him almost painfully.
He slid back out and pushed in again. If she was this narrow he would only get four strokes in before it he was rubbed raw. The Czarnian grunted. He tried to push in a third time and he noticed that Pamila was wincing and biting her cherry colored lips.
He wasn't gonna say anything if she wasn't. He ripped into her harder and Pamila gasped. Her muscles contracted around his shaft so tightly he though for sure it was gonna be ripped off. He lost his erection almost immediately.
"I think..." she gritted out over her teeth. "the mushroom is wearing off." It did seem to him that her tits were getting smaller gradually. He pulled out of her as soon as her body relaxed enough for him. She was definitely shrinking. His cock still tingled from where he had pushed in too far and there was a shadowy purple ring around the base of it. Great he was gonna have a bruise.
He didn't stay to watch the babes get back to their normal size. He pulled his pants back on gingerly and limped back toward his bike. The fuckin hadn't been bad at all, the fraggin could have been better. At least his nuts didn't ache anymore and his hangover was receding.
"Hey Onii-san, come back sometime ne?" He raised his hand toward the voice and kept on walking. He checked the pocket of his vest to make sure that his half a bounty was there. A splat of urine soaked caterpiller was mashed against the inside of his pocket. Yeah it was still there. Rule number two in the old sex book was never ride a spacebike with a bruised dick. It was a keeper that old sex book. Always looking out for him. Fifty creds and an uncomfortable return trip for his troubles. What he shoulda done was shoot Ramona in the leg for even suggesting the bounty. Stupid, flabby, bitch......